Trying to survive, reality is too much to grasp
Life moving swiftly, everything is fast
How do I adapt to my new normal
Laugh to keep from crying, avoiding turmoil

What’s left to be said when my soul has been broken
God please help me to become better, not bitter for this is my token
I can never change the loss but only how I respond
What I can certainly tell you is I will come out strong

Walking through the valley, it’s hard yet so healing
For as I walk with you, you administer the healing
It’s a relationship, that is bonded so tightly when there are no words to say
I need you so desperately, every moment of every day

I lay down my questions for there are no answers for this pain
Only comfort and encouragement , its you who sustains
The aftershock hasn’t worn off yet, for my soul is not well
My faith on the other hand has another story to tell

God you are sovereign, I know this to be true
Nothing catches you offgaurd, you are the one to pursue
Degrees, certificates and education are good, but you are the only one
Who knew my beginning and my end, for my imperfections you sent your son

I come to you messy, unmasked and real
For you are my father, who has big shoulders and can heal
When others come to me for help I can only tell them where I turn
Help me to know the difference, I ask for wisdom to discern

I don’t like my lot in life, surely it’s not something I would chose
Three important men in my life, but in the end I never lose
Death has been defeated for this I truly know
I just look at their final actions , the truth will then show

It’s not what came from their mouths but the decisions they made
In the end they sought forgiveness, and it was mercy that you gave
And no there weren’t perfect but that doesn’t deny their faith

Suicide isn’t a sin that separates us from you Lord
The only certainty we can have is that our spirits are secure
Locked up eternally with you in heaven
For we live in a dark world, your the light we have been given

Therefore I won’t hide my light under a table
Lights shine the brightest in the darkness, even if my steps aren’t always stable
Search me and know my heart oh lord for in your presence there is fullness of joy
Happiness is fleeting, it wears off like a shiny new toy

Joy on the other hand can not be taken
Even when all around is dark, and my foundations is shaken
I occupy this temporary space to simply reflect your love
Allow me to be your hands, feet, and mouth, your prescense fits me like a glove

Help me to lead others in a way that they would know who you are
That you are a God who is personal, not one whom sits afar

• 

We all live on borrowed time

Not one of us has the ability to press rewind

We recall “The good ole days”, life seems a bit dull now

We succumb to our circumstances and make the best of it somehow

Each day is an opportunity.Treat is a gift.

For we don’t know when our time is up or when something will shift

The clock is ticking, don’t you hear the sound?

Thanks be to God for simply waking up, as your feet hit the ground

What weighs heavily upon my heart is eternity for all men

Broken hearts and souls, where do we begin?

This life that is so fleeting, it just merely a wink

Like footprints in wet sand, they disappear after they sink

Let’s get to the point of truly what matters

All of this bickering, and judgement, sounds like such clatter

I suppose for myself I’m well aware of our mortality

Which leaves me to question my sincerity and totality

What will remain when I leave this place

Will others remember how I made them feel with grace?

A wise person once said, it’s not what you say but how you make others feel

So, I give it my best shot to remain candid and real

Trying not, to be so easily offended

Turning the cheek once more, more mercy extended

Is it fair, sure it is, vengeance isn’t mine

Like I said before, we live on borrowed time

We all will give account for our actions and how we treated others

Whether or not we held onto grudges with our father or our mothers

Make it count! And that end of every day

Say thank you Lord for this gift and creating me this way

Like a craftsman takes ownership and pride in his work

So too does the everlasting father, he sees your worth

For he willingly laid down his life for you and I

This way we could spend eternity with him when we die

For we all have a time to be born and a time to die I am certain

So, whom is validating your need for approval and is it worth it?

Live your life to please an audience of one

There you will find your journey has just begun

When social media interrupts communication

Living in a world of LIKES, while hearts are breaking

We ASSUME so much by the photos we share

“Looks like all is well, no need to care”

“See here’s the proof, they are laughing and smiling”

This is what we CHOOSE to see, while inside they are dying

Or better yet, we compare ourselves to see how we measure up

Who has the fanciest cars, purses or house. It’s NEVER enough

For deep satisfaction, comes from deep within

When you share the REAL you on social media, true healing can begin

Imagine what could happen if we uncovered ourselves

Maybe then we might realize, relationships are more important than wealth

No longer needing or longing for the approval of others

Picking up the telephone and physically calling your mother

I stand by the wayside, simply shaking my head

Watching this SELFIE nation, it’s what’s not being said

No REAL communication, this is our society

I remove it for myself because of my priorities

It’s not what we go THROUGH it’s how we respond

Only we can decide which path we are on

What I know is to simply live day by day

Completely dependent on God’s love, it’s the only way

For the opinions of others don’t matter, like shifting sand

I cling to the EVERLASTING, even when I don’t understand

For it’s easy to say God is good when everything is alright

But will you say he is good when the day turns to the darkest night?

Social Media won’t provide the source that you need

Set it aside, so you can once again dream

It’s not what is shared that’s important, but what you leave out

Many live behind masks, of this I have NO doubt

If you don’t think it’s true, look at humanity dying

If my words seem harsh, forgive me I’m trying

True friends simply care for your soul

Just wait till something goes wrong, you will see the BIG hole

Similar to fishing, the darkest of blues reflects the deepest part

Genuine love is not selfish, you just have to be smart

Protect your own heart, know the differences in between

Who knows and loves the REAL you, those are the ones on your team?

Pray to GOD and ask for wisdom, he will reveal who is there

His army he has placed beside you, those whom truly care

There are givers and takers in this life that we live

Sort through them wisely, don’t always give, give, give

Takers have no limits, nor do the ones who will give

Give with a pure heart, always forgive

Owe nothing but love, for at the end of it all

When you stand before God, you can simply stand tall

Know your limits, and go where he has called you, not sowing seeds to swine

Enjoy the work of your hands, relationships and unwind

King Solomon, one of the wisest, we have known

We don’t have to repeat history, for the truth has been shown

A content heart leads to success

You get to choose, give it your best

It boils down to Philippians four verse eight

What you choose to meditate on, is what you will create

CHOOSE to think on good things that are noble and true

There you will find contentment waiting for you

Our bond was unbreakable

A tight unit, it was unshakeable

Even death can’t defeat the love that we shared

We both had our unique way to reveal how we cared

I’ll never be able to comprehend, nor begin to understand

The battle you fought so courageously, as a wounded man

To be the only man left standing, had to be some heavy weight

A stigma to try to overcome, yet addiction sealed your fate

Even the sting of death doesn’t have the final say

For Jesus poured out what we couldn’t, he paved the way

While it seems we are separate, it’s only for a bit

I’ve got you pushing behind me, I simply feel it

I get reminders every day, that you are at eternal peace

As I begin to let it go, my walk comes with greater ease

I can rest my head knowing that full well

My Lord and Savior protected you from a burning hell

Love wins every war, breaks down every wall

And for this very purpose, I can stand tall

Feeling the gentle breeze, I simply breath it in

My feet remain grounded, as creation starts to sing

Reminding me that we are all created from the same soil

We all work, play, and live, we all have turmoil

But as I sit and write, my heart beats like a drum

While the bee stings a bit, the butterly has just begun

For you gave me courage during our younger days, now it’s my turn to be brave

To fight my courageous battle, defending the weak, utilizing every channel and wave

Technology can be a gift or a curse

I utilize this channel writing down every verse

So that no man or woman be left behind, for when that trumpet sounds

We will be united as one one, by this earth no longer bound

Thank you for the gift of your life, for it surely mattered

Especially to me, it gives me great purpose for the battle

Lord give me the words to speak, or compassion when there are none

Help me to turn them over to you, for you are the only way, Jesus, God’s only son

We all have our own unique shoe to wear
Designed intrinquitely. We all have pair

Some shoes squeak, some are made from rubber
Others don’t make a sound, while others simply blubber

Some are tattered and worn, others crisp new shoes
Only you can walk in the ones designed for you

And when the seasons shift, our shoes also rearrange
Representing a brand new shoe, that may feel very strange

We have to break them in a while, learning to walk again
For in due time they will feel comfortable, and begin to bend

At first they feel a little stiff, tight and unsure
They are so different than what you’ve had before

We don’t forget the shoes that were placed upon the shelf
Sometimes we may have to revisit them, remembering what they felt

Recalling where they tread or walked; which road that they traveled
When the laces were wrapped too tight, or at times became unraveled

At times they may have been for war, at other times bare feet
Please don’t ever forget your old shoes, when others you meet

You can’t judge their shoes, when they have become worn
You can walk beside them, reminding they why they were born

For we were born with purpose, each design unique
Rather than cast judgement, be careful what you speak

Simply listen, lend an ear, for in time they will get new shoes
For seasons always change and shift, we all will gain and lose

No matter what the season, simply walk in peace
Being kind to all you meet, for we all live and breathe

At the beginning of every day, everyone sits down put them on
Some may be grieving or broken, while others have a song

Problems begin to arise when we compare our shoes
We may like the ones that others wear, we simply have to chose

Not to compare ourselves to others, or monitor their walk
For if our shoes could speak, they would all certainly talk

But it in the end it doesn’t matter, for you shoes belong to you
Simply put them upon your feet, and ask the Lord what to do

Lord where will these shoes walk today?
To lend a smile to someone that’s not okay?

You’ve got me where I need to be, Lord help guide these shoes
To walk amongst the broken, serving others. To simply walk like you.

Teach me how to stoop to others, and meet them at their needs
For everyone has a story to tell, everyone’s heart bleeds

For myself , I walk accordingly to my fathers will
At times they are running shoes, other times they sit very still

Some moments they speak boldly, other times they are silent
Always pursuing peace and love, never promoting violence

Listening with compassion, at times they like to dance
At times they are laid back, other moments a protective stance

No matter what season I’m in, they are fashioned just for me
I’m learning to embrace them, and just to simply be

These shoes are new for me, they will take time to adjust
Sometimes my toes have room to wiggle, at other times they want to bust

No matter what the season, they simply move along
For what I know for certain, seasons don’t last very long

Fear of Failure

Constantly shifting and aligning oneself
For some it summarized by attaining riches or wealth
Meeting the expectations of others, even after their gone
Not working towards our own legacies, to carry them along

What’s left in the end are treasures that have been gathered
By making memories, new experiences on paths yet travelled
You get to walk the path created for you
Not the one formed by others, but to thine oneself be true

Being intentional about being present, distracted by none
This is success to me, beats any achievement bar none!
For we won’t look back on our lives and say “I wish I would have worked more!”
For the fear of failure is what drives us I’m sure

The need for more! More things! More possessions!
Not pursuing our passions, is what we will be regretting
Whether it’s a skill, trade or family of your own
You get to determine your path and for what your were known

Others won’t remember what you say, but how you made them feel
Walking along side, with genuine concern, being sincere
While some will remember you for what they have taken
Not everyone is a giver, don’t be mistaken

Be wise with whom you chose to spend your time
Minding those that matter, for those that don’t matter mind
For these are the lessons I’ve learned , the treasures found in the dark
At times you only need a little flicker of hope, to create a spark

Which spreads like wildfire when it shared
This expels the fear of failure, it’s been stripped bare
What I desire most is to reflect love, and preserve
For we may never know when our time runs out, that day could be near

Live for today, love with no regrets
This is how you’ll leave a mark in which no one forgets
Others may say, “I’m not sure how she does it, how does she continue to be strong?”
It’s the burden to love others, for that is her song

For in serving others you find your value and purpose
And when this life is over, you will know it was worth it
Fear of failure is relative to each person you see
How you define success, is what it will be

The tides are ever changing. They have their own unique rhythm

Similar to you and me, and the perspective we have been given.

Each life being shaped, like the patterns in the sand

Similar to a game of poker, we may not like our hand

For I surely do despise the ripples and the gaping holes

Patterns shaped by the choices of others, and the joy that they stole

As I sit beside the ocean, reflecting upon the changing tides

There is only who is constant, never changing, sitting by my side

My feet planted upon this rock, steady and secure

While the tides are ever changing, his love resounds on this shore

Allowing the waves of grief to come to me, causes me to be guarded

One rolls in, another out, allowing my heart not to harden

Like the energy in the ocean, always on the move

Being who God has created me to be, it’s him I long to approve

I sit alone in confidence, knowing I will be okay

This is how I perceive the tides, at least for today

It’s time to address the ELEPHANT in the room.

Of the countless lives lost to Suicide, who have gone to soon.

Take a look at the statistics, the truth will be revealed

There is an epidemic, the truth is very real

What speaks volumes to me is the gap between genders

For men far outweigh the women, they’ve become the great pretenders

Examining the differences amongst them, and the messages they are told

Losing 3 of the closest men, has made me very bold

I’m not dismissing women, for they are broken too

Out of 183 countries, suicide ranks higher amongst men in all countries but 2

I reside in the United States, “The Land of the Free”

Ranked #27 out of 183 for lives lost to suicide. How can this be?

As Americans we take pride to live the American Dream

Not trying to be sarcastic, witty or mean

We are taught to strive for the biggest house, with a white picket fence

Living up to these expectations comes at a great expense

Men and women both working hard, while children tend to themselves

All in efforts to succeed, attain materials and wealth

Moms and Dads are left frustrated and tired, their energy is zapped

If you don’t believe me, it’s true. Just look at the map

The need to succeed and live, causes roles to shifted

Women trying to excel in the workforce, men have been sifted

Not implying it’s right or wrong, it simply is what it is

These are just my observations and humble opinions. What do we do with this?

The times of old have passed, families have been broken

The family units broken down, and not a word is spoken

All striving to make the best of it, while forgetting what is sacred

Relationships and memories, have been replaced with frustration, agony and hatred

Comparing ourselves to one another, trying to “Live up to the Jones”

Making things appear perfect on the outside especially our homes

Face to face communication simply does not exist

Replaced with social media and texts, it’s so hard to resist

How many likes can we get if we post this picture?

Seeking the need for acceptance, validation, self esteem. What a mixture!

I don’t have it all together either, I’m human just like you

A woman with a tender heart, broken through and through

I’m just a keen observer, what troubles me is silence

For men who take their lives at their own hands is complete violence

Some tranquilize themselves, others chose different means

Simply do the math, these men feel unseen

Not sure who to be or simply how to feel

I know I’m not the only one, this epidemic is very real

I cry out to the Lord,”My God how can we help, for the men are sinking?”

Some succumbing to the pressures of life by self medicating and drinking

They have no one to understand or listen, for they are taught to be strong

Keeping everything inside causes them to die, unsure how to carry on

Left with no escape, their light fizzles out

Afraid to turn to someone, inside they are left with doubt

Reaching their bottom, all hope has ceased

For ending their lives is the only way they see for relief

For surely they don’t want to die, they want the pain to end

But as men they are taught, be strong and pretend

To have it all together, provide for your wife and children

Utilizing whatever skills they have, whatever tools they have been given

I speak on behalf of my brothers and my father, who didn’t have a voice

Their lives ended way too soon, death was their final choice

I’m here to tell you in the midst of my pain

It’s okay to not be okay, that’s not weakness or reason to be ashamed

Reach out for help today in whatever way you can

Asking for help is the first step, whether you’re a woman or a man

You don’t have to suffer alone, nor sit in silence

There is hope for you today, even while the world is in chaos and violence

There is one who cares for you, he knows your name

He created you in your mother’s womb, he is not ashamed

Slow to anger, abounding in love, he sent his son Jesus, the spotless sacrifice

Accept his love and kindness towards you, let him become your vice

For in him you will find safety, strength and guidance

Go to him as you are, that’s how you break the silence

A patient, loving father, he is waiting for you

Simply invite him in, asking for forgiveness when you don’t know what to do

You don’t have to be in a building or a church, he will meet you where you are

He is close to the broken hearted, he is not a God who sits afar

He knows what it is to be broken, he experience every emotion we face

Run into his arms today, rely upon his grace

You’ve been bought with the price of blood, his sweet sacrifice

He wants to know you today, this in my advice

He is a father to the fatherless, one that sticks closer than a brother

A love so fierce and tender, he has the heart of a mother

I look all around, it’s devastation that I see

A world full of chaos; effecting humanity

Mother against daughter, men not knowing how to feel

For I can not sugarcoat what I see, for it’s very real

Like a prisoner bound in chains, locked within a cell

A valley full of dry bones and misery, it feels like hell

I cry out, “Lord can these dry bones live? This world is in so much calamity

All trapped within our own vices, to escape from reality

While some cling to money for safety, all are in a panic

Some reach for drugs and alcohol, to soothe what is manic

I know I’m not the only one experiencing tragedy and loss

Others are in their own storms, like a ship being tossed

In my lament I ask, “Lord can these dry bones live?” , as I run to your word

Speaking life and encouragement into situations, when it sounds absurd

For life and death remain in the power of the tongue

A lesson I learned quite painfully when I was very young

Words can either destroy, tear down or cause devastation

While other words speak like, and build up myself and others in every situation

No matter what the situation presents, words posses capability

Calling forth life in your name, offers hope and possibility

Therefore I call forth life for men, who can be both strong, yet vulnerable too

David in the book of Psalms, a man after your heart, presenting what to do

He lamented to you, expressing his emotion

Through expressing his grief and questioning, highlighted his devotion

Surely he knew your heart, his strength lied in lament

He wasn’t afraid nor ashamed, his pain he didn’t hide

He ran to you for comfort, under your wing he did abide

Nestled tightly, he clung under your wing

Turning his mourning into dancing, he learned how to sing

Can these dry bones live again? Surely they certainly can

Expressing the pain and speaking life is where we must begin

Calling forth confidence, it remains in you

Turning to the eternal one, whose promises are true

Even in this valley, I call forth life

Your word as my weapon, searing like a knife

Equipped with the armor that has been designed just for me to fight this battle

These dry bones are beginning to live again. Can you hear them rattle?

Bones gathering, every tendon, muscle and ligament will be in place

Praise is a mighty weapon, it helps me to endure the race

Some strides are slower, but I’m still and on the move

One step ahead of the other, it’s you I long to approve

You know me full well of lord, lead me in your direction

May your heart be seen in me, may they see your reflection

I’m nothing without you, but a valley of dry bones

Surely goodness and mercy will follow me, for I am not alone

This temporary space we occupy, is fleeting, heaven is my home

Help me to empty my heart, fill me with your prescense, to make your name known

This process continued until the day in which he was sent

Behind the scenes he was prepared to conquer Goliath with just one rock

Others gazed in amazement, while others completely shocked

It was what occurred behind the scenes that made David strong

You turned his afflictions and pain into songs, writing the book of Psalms

Thank you this example in which we are to follow

When tough situations arise that are beyond difficult to swallow

Expressing our broken hearts to you is how to endure the race

Revealing we are human, yet we possess faith

The hurricanes roll in, turbulent winds start to blow

Start preparing and gathering, seeking a safe place to go

Tucking yourself into a shelter, to protect you from the rain

Trying to tell yourself to breath, don’t panick, trying to calm your brain

You’re not sure what to expect, because the path could change

Weathermen cast their predictions, you begin to shuffle ans rearrange

Is there really sufficient preparation?

The worst part is the anticipation

Simply not knowing what may remain after the storm passes

People flock or flee, they go by the masses

Longing to be safe, leaving their possessions behind

Giving up all that has been labored for, to find peace of mind

If the storm passes or if it changes route

Hanging to every word, the weatherman projects out

So what if the worst does happen, how will you respond?

For me it already has taken place, another hurricane rolled in

For what I feared the most, has taken place, where do I begin

I’m left surveying the damage, trying to move on

Inside I am broken, left without a song

The grief and anxiety, I experience on a daily

Sometimes its light rain, sometimes its hailing

I’m left here, surveying all the damage

Of losing 3 of the most important men in my life, its alot to manage

For once this part has concluded, I’m left trying to rebuild

Not sure what to do, or where to start, trying not to move too fast and be still

What I know beyond any doubt is that God has a sovereign will

Nothing passes through his hands, without his final word

Even when the choices of others has impacted me, his perspective will preserve

He lifts me on his shoulders, and I see from his view

Feeling safe within his arms, with a love so pure and true

I’m learning a deeper level of trust with him, together we survey the damage

Of what has been lost, treasured and valued most

He is the one whom comforts me, in him I will boast

Through him, we will rebuild together and it will never look the same

Like rearranging furniture, some empty chairs remain

While others have moved closer, and others fill new seats

Some relationships in a distance, this is the process of grief

Learning to embrace the process, presents some growing pains

Like a woman giving birth, she positions herself to strain

Isaiah 66:9: I cling to it in this storm

He will not cause pain, without something new to be born

Lord help me to rebuild and protect my family, friends and marriage

I lean on you for guidance, to restore what has been damaged

I am a wounded warrior, renew in me a new song

Knowing there are seasons for everything, you will help me to move on