Don’t Press Rewind

Remember the old phrase “Be kind. Rewind”?. I may be showing my age a bit however there was once a time when going to the movie rental spot was it!

You would browse the aisles, looking at movie covers. It was nicely categorized by sections, including the room behind the curtain where only adults were permitted. 

It was nostalgic for me, picking out a movie, getting snacks and candy, then returning home to play the DVD or shall I even dare say VHS tapes!!! Part of the experience was being together,  exchanging ideas and returning home to enjoy it. The journey;)

As a child, my mom worked at a part time movie rental place in Franklinville. I always loved to go to work with her and help. Part of my job was to rewind the VHS tapes for those who failed to read the kind sticker on the box.  Once the film was completely watched, it had to be rewound manually, well with a VCR.

  Unlike the times we live in today, where things move so quickly. At the touch of a button you can return the movie back to the beginning or better yet pick up where you left off.

I enjoy these modern conviences but I really miss the days when life was slower. Forgive me I’m getting a bit caught up in the sentiment.

I’m often asked, how do you it Nichole? How do you continue to move on after so much loss and devastation? I’ve heard time and time again, you are so resilient,  so strong. I know others can’t often bear to hear the stories of tragic losses that have occurred in our family let alone live with them.

I was going about my usual day, no triggers, no smell no memories just a longing for my brother. 

It is difficult to lose someone you love, no matter how the loss occurred; the pain is relative.

Sometimes there are many traumatic events or seemingly just one that led up to their death. In a moments notice, I’m given a choice.

The thought of the loss is the painful reminder of how I lost my siblings and my father. It wasn’t natural means by far.  Suicide, the silent killer.

How do I deal? I could spend hours or. days, trying to gather evidence if what went wrong what was missed?  What would it serve me really. Unless it is valuable truth to share insight that I have gained, it really is not fruitful.

I’m not dismissing it, however you have to sift through what to keep and what to let go of. There are specific events ,dates, etc where I have to intentionally choose not to press rewind.

What we meditate on will actually produce life or death. Our mouths speak out of the overflow of our heart. I feel the pain and express in a variety of ways. When I am faced with the giant of remembering the day I recieved the phone call or heard the news, I have to decide not to sit in it.

We  have the ability to give things more power than they actually need  to. What I’m simply trying to say is when these moments come

They will for all of us at one point or another. Simply pause, decide if you want to show up to attend a rehearsal, reliving the whole experience.

As sure as I am sitting here, I do not recommend this!!! I am in no encouraging denial by any stretch because whatever trauma has happened, has happened. You just don’t need to relive it.

Distractions are healthy. Your new reality is learning to live again. Things are totally  rearranged, and that’s ok. This is your new normal. It is far easier to accept it, than imprison yourself by running away, or self medicating.

You can’t really run that far and the medicating provides temporary relief.

My desire is to empower you that you can still stand even after devastation. One decision at a time rebuilding your new normal.

When these traumatic memories come to the forefront of your mind, don’t entertain them .

Allow them to  float in; as  they will quickly  float out

Find a distraction.  A hobby a book, exercise, anything but reliving it. This is like allowing the pain associated with the event to occur over and over again to the point where you will defeat yourself.

I’m so happy that my small experience at the video store played a purpose. Don’t press rewind.

This can apply to so many issues in the human heart. Carrying an offense, rehearsing it, reliving it over and over again. Losing a job , a marriage, a home. All of which carry the same weight. Same concept.

You get the point I’m trying to come to. At the beginning and end of everyday , find something to be grateful for. A simple strategy to stay positive and to be present. Anxiety lives in the future, depression lives in the past: normal is now. 

Don’t press rewind. That longing to go back to what normal was no longer exists. Accept your new normal. The pain and beauty of living in today.

Total healing is nothing other than accepting the state that you are in. Whether it involves pain or joy.  Express these emotions. Tend to them with care and keep it moving forward.

Questions to ask;

What can be learned from my current situation?

How can I grow and mature?

What I have I learned from this situation and how can I apply it to my new normal?

Lastly,

How can I rebuild my life, accepting this change?