Struck Down but Not DESTROYED

Dealing with Disappointment

2 Corinthians 4:9; Ecclesiastes 3:11; Ephesians 6:13; Nehemiah 8:10; John 3:16

I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching lately. Reasoning with myself, others, reading books, having open conversations with God. The kind where you bear your soul and openly share about how disappointed you are with circumstances and situations. We know from the Psalms, David, who was called a man after God’s own heart, uncovered the basics of what faith truly is. It is a deep personal connection, a relationship. Not just praying for our families and loved ones, which is all wonderful, but getting behind the scenes with him, wrestling with him. He is a great God with Great Big Shoulders who can certainly handle and wants to deal with these very delicate emotions on this side of heaven.

One the main themes that keeps coming up is disappointment. What is it, what does it look like, how does it affect our lives? And if left untended, how will it impact our daily lives. We all have disappointments. Things didn’t go as we expected, nor how we prayed. One of those things are in your control, you are powerless to change them. You do however can choose how to respond. That’s our main concern. Because like it or not, these things will fester and rob us of the life we should have if not dealt with. I really despise the saying, “Time heals all wounds.” Maybe what you do with your time and resources can lead to time making wounds easier to bear. Imagine you are a weightlifter. One of your workouts requires you to wear a 20-pound vest to complete other athletic obstacles like run with the vest, do pull ups, etc. When we increase the weight, it requires us to work heavier. What happens when life adds weight?

A different kind of weight but its weight that you carry in a backpack. Inside of the bag is different for each one of us. Some of us carry around the trauma of an accident, or the worry of sick children or family members, disappointments with where we are in life. I don’t know what’s in your backpack because I have one of my own. And when we keep packing it full like we are going to the airport to see just how much we can stuff in so we don’t have the pay extra.

I would like to encourage you today to unpack your backpack! Carrying around all this extra weight if you will, has the potential to dull life’s experiences. So busy trying to carry this weight, much of your energy is spent holding the bag rather than enjoying what is in front of you. Like a pot of homemade soup, these things take time. You are tender and precious to God. He would want you to have the best life on earth possible, but it is up to you on how much you are willing to let go of. I’d be preaching to the choir if I wasn’t living this same scenario. What I am disclosing to you is the very essence of the choices placed before me at this present moment. I am trying to let go of the disappointments I have experienced through a series of losses. I must decide one emotion at a time, to let go. Back in May of last year, the spikes of the pandemic were whirling. Through its topsy turby unpredictability, both of grandparents and aunt were hospitalized. At the very same time, my friend and other aunt was battling for her life receiving treatment for AML- Acute myeloid leukemia. She was undergoing a very tough regimen of chemo that completely wiped her immune system out. All of which was necessary to rebuild to it with healthy cells. There we were both of my grandparents, and my aunt is hospital beds, trying to recover, my other aunt in another hospital trying to rebuild her immune system. I sit in New Jersey waiting anxiously for good news. I am a faith filled believer and I say Lord surely you got this. Healing is on its way. Afterall, we did lose both of my brothers and my father to suicide in the last seven years, I underwent spine surgery, then found out I had early stage breast cancer and would need to undergo surgery. I came out on the other side 3 surgeries later. Here   I am rambling off the course of events to God as if he doesn’t know them. I am thinking God we have been through enough surely you will spare our family just one time, right?

Then it came. I got the call that my grandfather didn’t make it. Heavy hearted I decided to book a flight to be with my family and help support in any way I could. I get there in the knick of time to spend my very last moment with my Nan. I quietly held her hand, stroked her hair and sang to her. For I knew these were her last moments on earth. It took everything I had not to break down, but there I stood comforting her as she would be embraced by her savior. Little did I know I would need the comforting. Within a week, both the matriarch and patriarch of our family, had left to their eternal rest. My aunt had been released and was recovering at home from COVID. The storm wasn’t over yet as we waited for good news about my other aunt. I returned home, remaining faith filled that God would surely restore my aunt back to health. Until she took a turn for the worst. I kept believing, kept hanging on. Until I received the phone call early Monday morning. She didn’t make it.  Here we are, within a week and a half 3 family members gone. Just like that. I remember callously saying to God, “What are you going to do, wipe out our whole family”, not even realizing that this would be a reality.

Where does one begin to even start unpacking? I am here 6 months later, the shock has worn off and I miss my family! So, I have a choice just like you. I can choose to sit here with this heavy bag or unpack it, one item at a time. Letting go of what I thought should be and accept what is. It is incredibly difficult to let go a healthy and vibrant, 50-year-old beautiful soul, who has just left this earth too soon! I find it completely unacceptable. There but by the grace of God go I. Regardless of how I feel, like it or not, it is our reality. I can’t stay here. I am learning just like you to acknowledge the feelings, let them go and try to replace it with the eternal thoughts that she is walking in streets of Gold. What I have come to realize over this last 10 years, is not to place my value on things of this world. Not to become to attached and comfortable. This is all passing like shifting sand. Americans work so hard at being comfortable right? Having a home with a white picket fence, nice cars, clothing, accessories, pushing our kids to get into the best schools, etc. Let’s not even delve into achievements, I could write a book on what I pride myself in all my earthly accomplishments. They are valuable don’t get me wrong, but when we get to heaven, none of it will matter!! It will all be gone and dull in comparison to the love of our heavenly father. A perfect world, where there is no pain of loss, disappointment, or even success. So, what will matter? How you treat one another, the words that you spoke. For when you too leave this earth, others will remember your Prescence. They will remember how you made them feel. They will remember what you said. Ask yourself this valuable question, did I remind them of Jesus? Because like it or not, we are dead much longer than we are alive. Did you lead others to Christ with your actions? This is what is left behind. This is your legacy. This is the only eternal thing you could hope for. That none would perish but all would have eternal life. For that is the will of God. And when you have done all that you can do, sometimes you just stand. Stand without words, stand with your disappoints but stand for Christ. No matter what. Others will then begin to see and maybe even question why would someone who has lost so much, be so convicted to stand for faith? Eternity is what matters most.  It is not for the faint of heart. I would love to throw in the towel. But where would I go? God is the only one who can satisfy our mortal beings for that is how he created us. His word tells us, he has placed eternity in the hearts of all men.

Ever wonder why you get so caught up looking at the stars in the sky? Or the beauty of the vast ocean. Just sitting in wonder, awestruck wonder. His beautiful flawless design. How can you not worship the one who has created it and all its beauty? Even during the pandemic, loss, grief, heated political races, gender identity conflicts and so on and so on. All the conflict and chaos were never intended. He planned a perfect garden a place for you and I to walk with him. Guess what? It’s still there. He still wants to walk with you. He still wants you to enjoy his beauty. All those things are still there. You just must climb out of the filth of your disappointments. Follow me as I follow Christ.

Unpack you heavy book bag and live in the present moment. Today is a gift, tomorrow is not promised. Yet finding the balance to live in the present, while being eternally MINDED. The struggle is real. Store up your treasures in heaven, for that is where they cannot be destroyed! You can be hard pressed on every side, persecuted not abandoned, struck down but not DESTROYED. The joy of the Lord is our strength! This is how I ward off and shed my disappointments, holding onto the very promise that a beautiful party awaits in heaven. I will again be reunited with my family and live in the way that God truly intended. We will be redeemed!.