Mindful

Let’s face it, being present is not something that is even desirable right now. Why? Because being present and current with today’s events, is well…quite scary. So, let’s just make an attempt at it. Just your day to day life, not involving the news or media. Just the simple every day, mundane kind of stuff. You know like doing a load of laundry, taking out the trash, maybe going to your child’s sporting event. Wherever you are, whatever you are doing, ask yourself this question. Am I actually ever present? In the physical being or even mental being.

            There was a time in my life not so long ago, where I avoided being present. Because actually connecting with myself, meant connecting with my feelings. So, I would occupy my time and fill it with activities. Anything to distract me from what was going on inside. It helped me to cope, detach and really not be present. Then came real life. Having spine surgery was a real doozie for someone like me. I went from 100 to 0 really quick. Sitting up was a challenge. You know what was an even greater challenge? Just being. Recovering like I was supposed to. As I look back, hindsight is truly a wonderful thing, I can see how God had allowed that time for me to really connect. While it was extremely difficult, not only physically but emotionally. It allowed me to heal. A time for reflection, refreshing and reconfiguring. I came out better because with God, we often come out better! (Romans 8:28)

            The actual thought of me having to lay still and recover felt like very cruel punishment. While I knew it was what was needed to repair physically, emotionally I was done! To sit still meant to sit with myself. Which at the time was not an easy thing to do? We all have our crosses to bear, our hardships. No matter what it looks likes, we all hurt, but we can also recover! Like a potter who sits by the kiln, watching the temperature, God knew just how much pressure I needed, what needed to be burned off, what needed to remain intact, etc. Thank God he is in control and not me. I will get myself into trouble every time. I have learned, that while I may not always agree with his way of doing things, he ALWAYS has my best interest at heart. I have learned to trust him in a deeper way, which ultimately helps me in my current situation to be Mindful or present! Present in today’s moments and what life has to offer me. At best, I may cry a little, laugh, get frustrated, whatever, but I am no longer detached from myself. I can be present because I have an all present father, who loves me and always has my back.

            Even with all the changes in the school year, even with the anticipation of my final leg of the journey to beating breast cancer, I am present. I have honestly never felt better in my entire life. In the midst of all of the chaos around me, the chaos is not within me. So how do you get there? Take time for yourself. Take time to sit in your thoughts, feel your feelings and practice your faith. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and minds in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:7). I don’t know about you, but peace right now sounds pretty good and is quite hard to come by in today’s society.            

In a world bombarded with information, we have access to everything and nothing all at the same time. We have become our own doctors, (thanks google), our own child’s psychologists, etc. We google everything, we have access to everything. Is that really a good thing? I’m not so sure it is. It kind of reminds me of Eve when she was tempted to eat of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. You take a bite and it’s so satisfying but is it worth your peace? The news, watching everyone’s every move. Does it benefit you? Is it adding real value to your mental health? There are so many distractions and we can be led in so many different ways, depending on what we set our attention to. But just for today, for a moment, quiet yourself down, get real with yourself and be present. Whatever rises to the surface, let it be. If it’s joy, great! If its sadness, then cry damn it. Whatever it is just be! Be mindful of yourself. If we all took the time to tend to our own thoughts and behaviors, we just might find a better way of life.