I try imagine heaven, only in my mind
To know that you are at peace will only come with time
Right now I’m hurt and wounded, feeling totally stripped
Feeling so broken because my love wasn’t enough to equip
In you I saw potential, a strong leader with a courageous heart
You never had it easy, didnt have a good start
I’m left trying to piece together the puzzle of what went wrong
Then I simply realize you were hurting for so long
Trying to medicate the pain that lurked beneath surface
For deep inside you just didnt recognize that you had a purpose
Your life was a gift, at times it was a burden
But I accepted the good and the bad because I knew you were hurting
Left without you here, is the fear of the unknown
How to live and be again, my heart just groans
The shock is wearing off now, it’s no longer a like a haze
At times i get so caught up with emotion, I just sit and gaze
Wondering if there was something more I could have done, but I know the isnt true
For you had the choices as I did, it was simply up to you
To decide when to seek recovery, how and where to go for hope
All of the resources right at your disposal, but you chose not to cope
If love could have kept you here, you’d be standing here today
But that’s not reality, it’s all I’ve got to say
You had family that loved you, friends for support
The very best lawyer to represent you in court
These choices were yours, you simply had to make them
I’m learning to recognize the truth, so that I can grow and learn again
Every day is a struggle, yet I’m determined to live
And when push comes to shove, I reach out with love and give
Giving to those who have nothing, for inside I still have hope
Relying on my vices and strategies to simply cope
One day at a time for it’s all I can handle
If I look to far ahead, I simply become dismantled
God gives me grace, to live my day by day
I just kept hoping and believing it wouldn’t end this way
When this life is over, I smack you first then give you a hug
Then realize for right now, you’re my big brother up above
Damn it’s hard, I miss you bro, I’d do anything for you
I but the choices were you yours, that’s simply the truth
IN DEEP WATERS 