” The War of Addiction”

I can only view from the outside because I simply dont understand

I’ve walked by their side, simply not judging , but holding their hand

Some call it enabling, I call it love
But at the end I find it’s simply not enough

Watching someone you love suffer is like hell on earth
And out of this pain, I feel my purpose being birthed

My brother always said, it ends 2 ways, either death or prison
Who am I to judge that they are not forgiven

In the end he was right, he knew the truth
Yet he fought so courageously from the time he was a youth.

He held on the best he could and it took great courage
But he grew tired of fighting, and in the end discouraged

Loving someone who suffers like this is like watching them die
And while I put on a strong face to protect them, at night I would cry

Feeling so hopeless, knowing their is nothing I could do
Just kept believing in his potential, for inside it was so true

I’m not sure where to go from here, I simply grieve while my heart is broken
There wasnt anything else I could say or do, every word was spoken

He always knew I was just a phone call away
But he shut off his phone with nothing left to say

I get angry too because I am human
He had the same choices I had, he knew what he was doing

I am speechless that he took his life, knowing we were all in pain
Left feeling empty again, while his memory still remains

I’m still in the thick of it for it wasnt long ago
He made a permanent decision on a temporary feeling , this I surely know

Some say suicide is a selfish act, yet I know that is not true
He was left in so much pain and suffering, he didnt know what to do

His hope had run all out, he saw it as the end
God please help this broken heart to heal I lost my brother and my friend

He always supported and believed in me, I know that he was proud
He will meet at the Gate one day, for in heaven their is a cloud

A cloud of witnesses, I believe they welcome me home
But for now I’m broken and my purpose is being shown

To simply be who I am, a defender of the weak
Not casting any judgement, with my voice I speak

Speaking from my perspective to survive so much trauma
I have no time for petty stuff, I leave out all the drama

Speaking the truth in love, getting to the bottom line
While I continue taking care of myself, its peace that I find

He isn’t suffering anymore, death has been defeated
Yet the selfish part of me feels like I was cheated

I’ll just keep walking day by day, one moment at a time
Make no mistake about it, he is always on my mind

He is a big part of me and the woman I’ve become
When this life is over, I know the battle has been won

Not the way I wanted it, my will has been broken
I allow the tears to roll down my cheeks when there are no words to be so spoken

No one can understand my pain but God himself
So I’ll continue to seek and pursue him , it is for my health

And out of my relationship with him, I’m certain I’ll make it through
For he is the only eternal being, his words always stand true